Anna: Can you tell me what the #1 STI is, Simon?

Simon: Umm...

Anna: Have you been checked?

Simon: Have I been checked?

Anna: Yeah.

Simon: As an employee of the BBC... there is no need for me to be checked because I've never... had sex.

Anna: To be honest, in that outfit, I can see why.

Simon: If this doesn't get me laid then I don't know what will. I'm adorable!

poles
  • 05.30.10
Simon: Mamma Mia.

Dominic: Here I go again.

Simon: No, I was looking for "Does it show again?". Mamma Mia.

Phil: Does it show again?

Simon: No, it was "Now I really know." Mamma Mia.

Phil: Here I go again?

Simon: No, it was "Even if I say". Mamma Mia.

Phil: Here I go again?

Simon: No, it was "Does it show again?" again.

poles
  • 05.29.10
Simon: I'm a big fan of The Klaxons, of course.

Jamie: Thank you very much.

Simon: There's you, you're Jamie from The Klaxons.

Jamie: I'm Jamie, yes.

Simon: There's also James from The Klaxons.

Jamie: Yes. He's better-looking than me isn't he?

Simon: Quite hot, hot.

Jamie: I know. That's why I got him in.

Simon: Do you um.. do people ever get confused and book you, for a tv show, thinking it's him?

Jamie: Now... I don't mean to be funny, but I think it happened for us whether or not I'm sitting quite close to this man here.

Phil: No, I wanted the big, lumpy one.

poles
  • 05.29.10
SIMON: Hello and welcome to budget late-night indie show, Never mind the buzzcocks. I’m bitter, snotty-faced, little public schoolboy, Simon Amstell and I’d like to begin with an apology. On last week’s show I upset Preston from Preston and Chantelle. I realise now that they are better than me. Preston is a wonderful singer and Chantelle invented the popular saying “Oh my God!” I was unfair in my representation of Chantelle’s book. It’s not bad, there are some really interesting bits. (READING THE BOOK) “Suddenly…” Okay! (via alisea)

SIMON: Hello and welcome to budget late-night indie show, Never mind the buzzcocks. I’m bitter, snotty-faced, little public schoolboy, Simon Amstell and I’d like to begin with an apology. On last week’s show I upset Preston from Preston and Chantelle. I realise now that they are better than me. Preston is a wonderful singer and Chantelle invented the popular saying “Oh my God!” I was unfair in my representation of Chantelle’s book. It’s not bad, there are some really interesting bits. (READING THE BOOK) “Suddenly…” Okay!

(via alisea)

poles
  • 05.29.10
  • 76
poles
  • 11.02.09
Alex: Harder-

Phil: Faster. Stronger. Longer. Cheesier.

poles
  • 11.01.09
Alex: The best thing about being a woman-

Newton: Is the nipples.

poles
  • 11.01.09

"Snoop Dogg is writing a children’s book called ‘Where’s The Cheese’, true or false?"

— Alex James
poles
  • 11.01.09

"Blue have a Scandinavian tribute band called Danish Blue, true or false?"

— Alex James
poles
  • 11.01.09

"Oh my god, satsuma La Roux!"

— Noel Fielding
poles
  • 11.01.09
  • 3

"It’s making me slightly horny, your cheese. Is it supposed to do that?"

— Noel Fielding
poles
  • 10.31.09

"Newton’s album is number 3 in the charts right now. As good as that is, I’ve drawn a face on an apple and a satsuma. I think we know who the real winner is."

— Noel Fielding
poles
  • 10.31.09
  • 14

"He looks like a flesh-coloured sleeping bag filled with babybels."

— Noel Fielding about Iggy Pop
poles
  • 10.31.09

"According to Stringfellow, Kanye left his club without paying for any of his six lapdances. Stringfellow was particularly annoyed because he’d put his back out during the fourth one, but battled on to the end."

— Alex James
poles
  • 10.31.09