May 2010
4 posts
3 tags
Anna: Can you tell me what the #1 STI is, Simon?
Simon: Umm...
Anna: Have you been checked?
Simon: Have I been checked?
Anna: Yeah.
Simon: As an employee of the BBC... there is no need for me to be checked because I've never... had sex.
Anna: To be honest, in that outfit, I can see why.
Simon: If this doesn't get me laid then I don't know what will. I'm adorable!
4 tags
Simon: Mamma Mia.
Dominic: Here I go again.
Simon: No, I was looking for "Does it show again?". Mamma Mia.
Phil: Does it show again?
Simon: No, it was "Now I really know." Mamma Mia.
Phil: Here I go again?
Simon: No, it was "Even if I say". Mamma Mia.
Phil: Here I go again?
Simon: No, it was "Does it show again?" again.
4 tags
Simon: I'm a big fan of The Klaxons, of course.
Jamie: Thank you very much.
Simon: There's you, you're Jamie from The Klaxons.
Jamie: I'm Jamie, yes.
Simon: There's also James from The Klaxons.
Jamie: Yes. He's better-looking than me isn't he?
Simon: Quite hot, hot.
Jamie: I know. That's why I got him in.
Simon: Do you um.. do people ever get confused and book you, for a tv show, thinking it's him?
Jamie: Now... I don't mean to be funny, but I think it happened for us whether or not I'm sitting quite close to this man here.
Phil: No, I wanted the big, lumpy one.
3 tags
November 2009
5 posts
4 tags
4 tags
Alex: Harder-
Phil: Faster. Stronger. Longer. Cheesier.
4 tags
Alex: The best thing about being a woman-
Newton: Is the nipples.
3 tags
“Snoop Dogg is writing a children’s book called ‘Where’s The...”
– Alex James
3 tags
“Blue have a Scandinavian tribute band called Danish Blue, true or false?”
– Alex James
3 tags
“Oh my god, satsuma La Roux!”
– Noel Fielding
October 2009
26 posts
3 tags
“It’s making me slightly horny, your cheese. Is it supposed to do that?”
– Noel Fielding
3 tags
“Newton’s album is number 3 in the charts right now. As good as that is,...”
– Noel Fielding
3 tags
“He looks like a flesh-coloured sleeping bag filled with babybels.”
– Noel Fielding about Iggy Pop
3 tags
“According to Stringfellow, Kanye left his club without paying for any of his six...”
– Alex James
4 tags
“No cloakroom so he had to put his coat in his cheeks?”
– Noel Fielding about Kanye West
4 tags
“He’s a babybel squirrel.”
– Noel Fielding about Kanye West
3 tags
“I like to imagine a babybel walking through a forrest and all of the sudden...”
– Noel Fielding
3 tags
“If I could fashion a hat out of that waxy red stuff, I’d get an erection.”
– Noel Fielding
3 tags
“You came here tonight on a skateboard made with babybel wheels.”
– Phill Jupitus to Noel Fielding
4 tags
4 tags
Big Pimpin’ by Jay-Z ( via griptape )
3 tags
“Queen’s Brian May has said that Never Mind The Buzzcocks is ‘nothing...”
– James Corden
3 tags
3 tags
3 tags
6 tags
James Corden: Tom's just bought a farm ladies and gentlemen.
Ben Miller: That is so rockstar.
Tom Clarke: I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I've bought it.
Noel Fielding: It's only an ant farm.
Ben: What are you farming, Tom?
Tom: I dunno it's just grass right now.
Noel: It's a grass farm!
James: How many acres is it?
Tom: I dunno, a few.
James: Off the top of your head.
Tom: ... Seven.
5 tags
James Corden: What about this: "It's a disgrace. Nobody will know who this bloke is in a year."
Tom Clarke: Is that James Corden?
James Corden: Paul Potts. Anyone still know who Paul Potts is?
Phil Jupitus: Yes, he was on Happy Days.
3 tags
“Oh look, it’s Morrissey. What a career he’s had. First The Smiths,...”
– James Corden
3 tags
“Do you want to know the only problem here? He’s doing this for comic...”
– James Corden to Paloma Faith
3 tags
“Paloma is a prolific do-gooder. She once put a pair of Kylie tickets between the...”
– James Corden
2 tags
“He works in my local brookshires.” “Really, because he works in my...”
– Talking about Antony Costa
3 tags
“This is one of the latest songs that Blue did, and even then, Antony, still not...”
– Phil Jupitus
August 2009
3 posts
May 2009
21 posts
3 tags
“Nash said that one of her one hundred and nine thousand friends on Myspace said...”
– Simon Amstell
“Not everyone can do what you do. You have a, eh, individual talent… when...”
– Simon Amstell to Kimberly Stewart, s21ep01
Bill: Doesn't he, Billy Bragg, doing some jail charity at the moment or something?
Simon: Guitars for people in jail.
Bill: Musical instruments...
Phill: Banjos for paedos.
Bill: Yeah that's it. Bongos for psychos! We do a homeless one as well; AMPS for tramps!
“Do you know who I get confused with? Someone said this to me recently;...”
– David O’Doherty, s22ep03
“Are we supposed to like Kate Nash? I haven’t done this show for so long,...”
– Simon Amstell, s21ep01
Simon: "Turn around..."?
Bonnie: Bright eyes.
Simon: Not what I've got here.
Bonnie: Oh. Every now and then I get a little bit lonely when I dream of something wild.
Simon: No.
Bonnie: Every now and then I fall apart.
Simon: No.
Bonnie: Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes.
Simon: ...Correct. Okay, next one..."Turn around..."?
“That was Babyshambles with “Fuck Forever”. I find that suggestion...”
– Simon Amstell, s20ep06
Phill: You see, this is the seat that Preston left, this is the seat that Lemmy left the show, admittedly at the re-takes... we should just call it the 'Ejector seat'
Simon: We should maybe get some sort of seatbelt...
“I think E17 were a bit like car thieves… I think Five could have killed.”
– Simon Amstell, s20ep05
Simon: I do not want you to worry about this, Nicholas Hoult. This does not affect anything in your life. We are just having fun.
Nick: I just want to go home...
Simon: Don't you move!
Simon: Are you sure he's been in a band?
Phill: How would you know, you're twelve!
Simon: Yeah, I don't really know anything pre-McFly.