Anna: Can you tell me what the #1 STI is, Simon?
Simon: Umm...
Anna: Have you been checked?
Simon: Have I been checked?
Anna: Yeah.
Simon: As an employee of the BBC... there is no need for me to be checked because I've never... had sex.
Anna: To be honest, in that outfit, I can see why.
Simon: If this doesn't get me laid then I don't know what will. I'm adorable!
- 05.30.10
- 8
Simon: I'm a big fan of The Klaxons, of course.
Jamie: Thank you very much.
Simon: There's you, you're Jamie from The Klaxons.
Jamie: I'm Jamie, yes.
Simon: There's also James from The Klaxons.
Jamie: Yes. He's better-looking than me isn't he?
Simon: Quite hot, hot.
Jamie: I know. That's why I got him in.
Simon: Do you um.. do people ever get confused and book you, for a tv show, thinking it's him?
Jamie: Now... I don't mean to be funny, but I think it happened for us whether or not I'm sitting quite close to this man here.
Phil: No, I wanted the big, lumpy one.
- 05.29.10
"Newton’s album is number 3 in the charts right now. As good as that is, I’ve drawn a face on an apple and a satsuma. I think we know who the real winner is."
— Noel Fielding
- 10.31.09
- 14
"He looks like a flesh-coloured sleeping bag filled with babybels."
— Noel Fielding about Iggy Pop
- 10.31.09
"According to Stringfellow, Kanye left his club without paying for any of his six lapdances. Stringfellow was particularly annoyed because he’d put his back out during the fourth one, but battled on to the end."
— Alex James
- 10.31.09
"I like to imagine a babybel walking through a forrest and all of the sudden getting pulled up into the air, it’s little wax feet kicking through the netting."
— Noel Fielding
- 10.30.09
"If I could fashion a hat out of that waxy red stuff, I’d get an erection."
— Noel Fielding
- 10.30.09
- 2
"You came here tonight on a skateboard made with babybel wheels."
— Phill Jupitus to Noel Fielding
- 10.29.09
James Corden: Tom's just bought a farm ladies and gentlemen.
Ben Miller: That is so rockstar.
Tom Clarke: I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I've bought it.
Noel Fielding: It's only an ant farm.
Ben: What are you farming, Tom?
Tom: I dunno it's just grass right now.
Noel: It's a grass farm!
James: How many acres is it?
Tom: I dunno, a few.
James: Off the top of your head.
Tom: ... Seven.
- 10.10.09
- 1